I came to God dragging my heels because I feared becoming one of those religious folks who have lots of rules to follow and a life full of church activity and no fun.

Shallow and selfish, I know, but that’s the truth of who I was then. I wanted, as my mother used to put it, to go for the gusto in life, to have it to the full!

Needless to say, when I began reading the Scriptures shortly after my baptism, I was thrilled to learn that Jesus said:

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10 (NIV)

I went to work on that. Yes, I did. But I just couldn’t make it happen. It took me a couple of years to figure out that I wasn’t in control of this thing, God was.

I can be a slow learner. And don’t give up control easy. Then one day, I realized, God was on trial with me. I said I trusted Him, but my actual choices and behavior told a different story.

You see, I was trying to construct and make a life for myself that Jesus promised. I wasn’t going for the relationship itself. I thought all I was supposed to do was worship God from a safe distance and He would just deliver. But He didn’t design it that way at all.

Because He wants to share life with you. He is after your heart, not just your name written in a book of who all He redeemed. You.

He calls you to total surrender, not just because He is the Sovereign God of the universe He created — though that would be enough reason. He calls you to surrender to Him in full trust because that’s the only way He can really reveal Himself to you. To show off His best stuff. To bring you into the plans He has for you.

Here is the cycle I began with:

• I shrank back from obeying God out of self-reliance, fear, and sometimes rebellion. Just wanted to do it my way.
• Naturally, in this I didn’t get to know God more, I just kept reinforcing my self more. Which gave God no opening to reveal Himself.
• My choices lead me to less life at times. I wrestled with wondering if God was truly there for me.

It was a life of uncertainty, doubt, fear, even loneliness. I increasingly had to convince myself God was real and He loved me. I was inching closer to abandoning my faith, and it scared me, because believing in a God and His love had given me such comfort in the beginning.

Then the Lord opened my eyes to a different cycle in John Chapter 14:

• Choose to obey God as an act of love.
• God reveals Himself to you as you step into that obedience.
• You get to know Him more, and as you do, the choice to love (through obedience) opens the way for a genuine relationship of knowing and loving one another.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.

John 15:9-10 (NIV)

This pattern shows the cycle of loving/ knowing / loving God. I decided to give that pattern a try.

I quit focusing on what I wanted to happen. I abandoned all my ideas of what I thought God should do to prove Himself to me, to keep me believing in Him, to earn my faith.

One obedience at a time, my life changed. Each experience motivated me to continue. He gradually tore down all fear and doubt about where He would take me if I gave Him complete control. The more I obeyed the Lord, the more He made Himself at home and revealed Himself to me. And the more I got to know God, the more my love for Him grew, for real.

I once thought the salvation of Christ was His greatest gift, but now I see it as the necessary means by which God bestowed the actual best gift ever: HIMSELF, offered in personal relationship. My experience taught me God’s goal is to bring us into a true relationship of knowing one another, walking together daily in the garden that is our shared life.

The fact that God says so very much in His Word about how this very relationship will help us in this present life makes it clear this is not just something we have to only hope in when we go to heaven. It will be completely fulfilled in heaven, beloved, but it is available now.

And that’s what faith is for.

Sadly, it is easy to receive the salvation of Christ without actually going on to develop this relationship with God that brings healing, rest, wisdom, even delight. I write and teach as I do because too many souls think they must wait for heaven to taste the joy of experiencing God’s heart.

When I finally unwrapped the gift of Jesus’ command to love Him, here’s what I actually got:

• An ease of being with God has come; I have entered rest with Him.
• I more easily perceive His communication to me.
• I know and understand God more, in a way that nourishes me daily.
• I feel cherished by God. I never wonder if He loves me or is near.
• I taste of God’s grace and goodness so often that it stirs worship and adoration for Him. My worship is real and unforced.

In short — the promise of abundant life is fulfilled between the Lord and I every day, in that place where we are connected.

When I chose to love God, I finally began to unwrap the gift of God’s love for me.

Beloved, God already loves you. When you choose to love Him back, that’s when the magic happens.