12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:12-15 (NIV)

I love how the Lord turned a legalistic, judgmental jerk into a people-loving, relationship-building mentor. Otherwise known as Paul the Apostle. His letters are full of both inspiration for following Christ our Lord, AND wisdom to have great relationships.

Through many years of counseling, we observed that people came to us for help to get over the pain other people were causing them. While we offered grace and compassion, we usually also turned their attention to their own role in building a great relationship. Because there is nothing more true than the adage, to have a friend, be a friend.

In the verses above, Paul offers the best relationship advice ever, because he deals with both sides of the relationship. On your side of the equation, make the choice every day to be kind, compassionate, humble, gentle and patient. Yes, beloved, these are choices, and aptly compared to the clothing you choose to dress yourself in every morning.

The old self — the one Jesus saved you from — makes excuses, and says, “But that’s not who I am. I’m just not patient.”

The new self understands that in Christ, you are empowered to be whoever and however He is. He has moved in with you. He stands ready to give you all the grace (His ability) to be what you naturally are not.

Make the choice to be all the things Paul says, beloved.

For the sake of Christ.

For the sake of those you share life with.

For your own sake.

Yes, for your sake. Because you have God’s promise that whatever you sow into the hearts of others, you will reap. So go ahead, be really selfish, and be kind as all get-out.

Before we go today, consider Paul’s words, “bear with each other.” The way we use that phrase, you would think Paul is saying “Hey, just put up with them. Tolerate them. Suck it up, grin and bear their jerkiness.”

But the Greek doesn’t mean that at all. [Word Study!] The Greek word Paul used here means to stake yourself to someone, to hold them up. Like you might stake a tomato plant, so that while it grows up it doesn’t topple over.

So to bear with someone means, for you and I, to support them. It is a whole different mindset. It doesn’t imply fixing or manipulating, either. It calls us to do much more than tolerate them. To help them stand and be all right, while they grow. (And, by the way, while you grow. It wouldn’t be the first time that helping a weaker one helped the so-called stronger one, too. Don’t we love movies with that kind of ending?)

It means you commit to stay with them in relationship, not letting their flaws put you off or send you away. That you just hang with them, being the best Christ helps you to be, showing kindness, showing value, illustrating what love and friendship look like.

After all, this is how Christ loves you. Every day.

Read Paul’s words again, please, and ponder them in light of your own relationships today. Then, beloved, go get dressed in love.