In The Wisdom Series, I identified being a lover as the fifth pillar of strength Wisdom wants to build in your heart (according to Proverbs 9:1.) In fact, we could sum up the main agenda of the Spirit of Wisdom as: He wants to train your heart, child of God, how to love like He does.

Apostle John affirmed this when he wrote: in First John chapter four:

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus.

1 John 4:7-9; 13; 16-17 (NIV)

When God uses the word love He does so in the broadest sense.

Big God, big heart, big love.

God’s love, you may have noticed, isn’t just soft warm fuzzies.

God’s love is a total package that, when extended to the human heart, offers that heart whatever it needs to nourish it to health and life.

To take it beyond existing, to a place of joy.

To offer that heart rest from strife, fear, doubts, worries and insecurity, and give it the great gift of peace that only comes from being securely loved and valued.

So what does that look like between you and another?

God’s idea of love is that you speak and act in a way to embrace and draw others near. You can reject bad behavior, but don’t take your heart away from them and hide it somewhere safe. God will keep it for you while you’re busy loving.

Love looks like doing whatever you can to remove the barriers between you. Even, and especially, if it that barrier is your own judgments or offenses, your preferences, your rights, your give-ups. Yeah, that means denying self at times. Okay, a lot. But again, God will reward you with more than you ever give up in the quest to love another well.

He is the keeper and sustainer of your heart.

God’s way of loving is always with an eye towards redeeming that soul. God proved the uttermost expression of love by laying down His life, but redemption comes in all shapes and sizes. What that looks like on any scale is you giving someone what they need, not what they deserve. You need Wisdom for that because you may have no clue what that person really needs. Only God knows the heart.

When they fail, behave badly or show off their flaws, you walk past all that to offer friendship anyway. Hang around and listen to their heart. Then when they see they need help, they’ll know you care and can entrust their brokenness to you.

That is redemption. Helping another trading in the bad for the good they can be — but not without help, gracious help. That means offering your help as a refreshing cup of cold water on a hot day.

As you might have guessed, this kind of love requires you to seek Wisdom’s help to see them as they can be and were created to be. Just like God sees you, beloved.

This kind of love is fitting no matter what the context: immediate family, work, school, friendship, relatives.

This is love in the broadest sense — because God doesn’t love any other way. Since Wisdom’s goal is to reveal the heart of the Father through you, to your world, that means learning to love like He loves, in the hard places and with the hard cases.

Loving well takes lots of wisdom.

There is nothing more serious, more needful, more challenging than living a lifestyle of love — one that gives a taste to others of what God gives you. Every long-term relationship is made up of billions of momentary proactive or reactive choices.

I know, it sounds exhausting.

But actually, it isn’t. Because after you’ve been in school with Wisdom for awhile, your heart is trained. The “pillar” of committed love stands strong, and Wisdom becomes more of a quiet, smiling, proud partner just abiding in you. Though always ready to stand up for the next challenge to that commitment when you need it.

No matter where you are, what you’re doing, what personality God gave you, what the circumstances may be — there is a wise way to love. The best love isn’t even possible without wisdom.

Very unromantic thing to say, I know, but here’s the thing.

When you walk in love (as a result of walking in the counsel of the Spirit) it doesn’t take long to find yourself collecting moments that are incredibly romantic. Your heart swells. The joy tide rises. The elusive, mysterious beauty and delight usually associated with romance will creep up on you in surprising moments when you deliberately nourish the heart of another human being.

This is what it means to love like God loves. Forgive me for saying so, but you don’t know how to do that, with that certain person in that unique moment. And neither do I.

“I can’t love others because I don’t love myself.”

Christians often quote the familiar verse to love others as yourself. Then, when they do a poor job, they sometimes shrug their shoulders and say, what do you expect, I really don’t love myself either.

The thing is, Jesus nixed that command in favor of a new one, just before he went to the cross. In John 13:34-35 he said,

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.

Uh-oh. The bar is now higher than it was before!

In fact, it couldn’t be any higher. But never forget, that what Jesus requires of you, His Spirit always provides the wisdom and ability to do.God is the original lover and romantic. When you commit to loving like He loves you, Wisdom will step right up to build that pillar of strength in you.

God is love, and His Wisdom is ready to help you be love too.